The Scrapbook Project: 7. What if things go wrong?

30 minutes.

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the Managing conflict heading at the top of the left hand page.

Managing Conflict

1. Draw or make a collage, using a range of media items, illustrating the type of situation, or factors, which result in conflict in your relationship.
2. Choose a colour crayon you dislike. Write some words which describe how conflict presents itself in your relationship eg Argue, Yelling, Sulky etc.
3. Draw a line down the middle of the right hand page. Paste (or write) the What’s worked well heading on the right hand side of the line, and What hasn’t worked on the left hand side. These headings can be anywhere (on their own side of the line) and any way up.

What's Worked Well

What Hasn't Worked

4. Under what hasn’t worked, draw, write or use media to illustrate things which have been ineffective in resolving conflict in your relationship in the past.
5. Under what’s worked well, draw, write or use media to illustrate things which have worked well in resolving conflict in your relationship in the past.
6. Draw, write or use to media to illustrate at least one more strategy which you could try in the future if conflict arises.
7. Take a colour crayon you like. Colour in or circle the two BEST strategies for managing conflict in your relationship.
8. Take a black crayon. Draw a cross or a line through the two WORST ways of dealing with conflict in your relationship.
9. Take a crayon in a bright cheerful colour, which you like. Look back on the Managing Conflict (left hand) page. Underneath or close to each word you wrote describing how conflict presents itself in your relationship, write a positive alternative or opposite eg: Sulky – Smiling; Argue – Talking etc.

The Scrapbook Project: 6. Who do I want you to think I am?

15 minutes.

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the How I would like to be described heading at the top of the left hand page, and the How I would hate to be described heading at the top of the right hand page.

How I would like to be described

How I would hate to be described

1. List four words you would want included in any description of you under How I would like to be described.
2. List four words you would not want included in any description of you under How I would hate to be described.
3. Take your favourite coloured crayon. Look at the words on the right hand page (Hate to be described). How likely is it that these words would be used to describe you:
   By your partner? Write a percentage using letters about 4cm high.
   By your friends? Write a percentage using letters about 2 cm high.
   By your family? Write a percentage using letters about 1 cm high.
   
   
4. At work? Take another colour crayon and write a percentage in letters about 2 cm high.
5. Look at the words on the left hand page (Like to be described). Use media to illustrate how you would like to be perceived.
6. Consider whether people see you like this. Write a word or phrase which means, for you, how close you think people’s perceptions of you are to your illustrated ideal, eg “Close”, “Nowhere near”, “Kind of”, “Yes”… etc.

Scrapbook Project 5. Where are we going?

15 minutes.

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the Things I want in my future heading at the top of the left hand page, and the Things I don’t want in my future heading at the top of the right hand page.

Things I Want In My Future

Things I Don't Want In My Future

Work on both pages at the same time. Illustrate at least 5 things you want and 5 things you don’t want.

Things you want may be things you have which you want to keep, or things you don’t have yet which you would like to achieve. Similarly, things you don’t want may be existing things you want to change, or future possibilities you intend to avoid.

The things might be actual objects, such as a car or boat, feelings or states, such as happiness or loneliness, specific or generic achievements or undertakings such as a promotion, travel, or respect, things you like to do or hate to do, or any other "things" which have meaning for you.

DO NOT use specific people as things you want or don’t want in your life.

Scrapbook Project 4. What do I want? What do you want?

20 minutes.

Turn the page (so that the My partner thinks I value is on the left hand page).

From my partner I expect:

Paste (or write) the From my partner I expect heading at the top of the right hand page.

1. Think about the expectations you have of your partner. Come up with at least 5. These might be wide expectations like honesty or communication; or more specific things like “Talk every day”.
2. Write or illustrate each in your scrapbook.

For my partner I expect to:

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the For my partner I expect to heading at the top of the right hand page. Leave the left hand page blank for now.

1. List at least 5 expectations you have of yourself in your relationship at the top left under the heading.
2. Draw a box around your list.
3. Look at your list. Consider the way these expectations are honoured in your relationship. Choose two, and illustrate these in a way which has meaning for you.

What have I learnt:

Paste the What have I learnt heading on the left hand page.

1. Turn back one page. Compare your expectations of your partner with their expectations in a relationship.
2. Compare your expectations in a relationship with your partners’ expectations of you.
3. List two congruent things you notice about your expectations eg “We are monogamous”; “We both expect to spend our weekends together”.
4. List two things which surprise you, are new to you or are clearer to you about your partner’s expectations or about your expectations of each other.
5. Note anything else important under this heading.

Scrapbook Project 3: Do you know who I am? Do I know who you are?

Instructions for Working Alone - If you *do* have a partner. Scroll down for if you don't have a partner.

3. Do you know who I am? Do I know who you are?
30 minutes.

I Think My Partner Values:

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the I think my partner values heading at the top of the left hand page.

Choose 4 – 6 media items which illustrate the values you think your partner has. Paste or stick these into your scrapbook. You can also make drawings to illustrate the values. DO NOT write words to describe the values at this stage.

My Partner Thinks I Value:

Turn the page. (Leave the previous right hand page blank for now). Paste (or write) the My partner thinks I value heading at the top of the left hand page.

1. Think of three things you believe your partner thinks you value.
2. List the values you thought of. Draw a heart, smiley face or other positive icon next to the values which are ones you have.

If you do not have a partner:

Ideally my partner would value:

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the Ideally my partner would value heading at the top of the left hand page.

Choose 4 – 6 media items which illustrate the values your partner would ideally have. Paste or stick these into your scrapbook. You can also make drawings to illustrate the values.

Scrapbook Project 3: Do you know who I am? Do I know who you are?

Instructions for Working with a Partner

3. Do you know who I am? Do I know who you are?
30 minutes.

This works best as a sharing exercise. To complete the exercise, you show the next two pages you create to your partner. If you are not comfortable with this, you can do it alone.

I Think My Partner Values:

Turn the page. Paste (or write) the I think my partner values heading at the top of the left hand page.

Choose 4 – 6 media items which illustrate the values you think your partner has. Paste or stick these into your scrapbook. You can also make drawings to illustrate the values. DO NOT write words to describe the values at this stage.

My Partner Thinks I Value:

Turn the page. (Leave the previous right hand page blank for now). Paste (or write) the My partner thinks I value heading at the top of the left hand page.

Instructions for Sharing:

1. Give your scrapbook to your partner.
2. Respect your partner’s scrapbook. Do not look at any page except the blank one in front of you.
3. Take your partner’s favourite coloured crayon. (If you are not sure of your partner’s favourite colour, guess).
4. List the values you illustrated in your own scrapbook. Draw a heart, smiley face or other positive icon next to the values you believe your partner has which are the same as yours, or which you have positive feelings about.
5. Hand the scrapbook back to your partner.

Instructions for Working Alone

1. Ask your partner to give you your favourite coloured crayon. (Do not tell them what your favourite colour is or comment on their selection).
2. Ask your partner to tell you three things they think you value. DO NOT answer them or comment on their statements.
3. List the values your partner told you. Draw a heart, smiley face or other positive icon next to the values which are ones you have.

What Have I Learnt?

Turn back one page. Paste (or write) the What have I learnt heading at the top of the right hand page.

1. Read the list of values your partner believes you have. Pay attention to where the positive icons are.
   
   If you are not sharing, skip 2 and 3 and go to number 4.
   
   
2. Show your partner the I think my partner values page. Explain how the media or pictures you used relate to the values you wrote.
3. Discuss your partner’s perception of your values. TAKE TURNS to talk about each other’s values.
   
   You may like to show your partner your work and personal values from pages 2 and 3.
   Remember: Values are personal and private, and people do not always communicate the same way.
   DO NOT: put down, ridicule, dismiss or minimise.
   DO: Be surprised, be enlightened, ask for clarification.
   
   
4. Under the what have I learnt heading, record what you have learnt about your partner’s perception of you.
5. Now record what you have learnt about your partner.
6. Use pictures or media to illustrate 5 and 6 if you want to.
   

The Scrapbook Project: 2. If I don’t value my values, who will?

30 minutes.

At Work I Value:

Personally I Value:

Paste (or write) the At work I value heading at the top of page 2 of your scrapbook. (The left hand page.) Paste (or write) the Personally I value heading at the top of page 3 of your scrapbook. (The right hand facing page.)

1. Take a crayon. Under “At Work” list at least four things you value at work. Under personally, list at least four things you value personally. These may be the same or different.
2. Using a different colour crayon, draw a line across both pages, about two thirds of the way down.
3. Above the line under At work, stick or draw one or two pictures which illustrate how you feel when your work values are all being met.
4. Above the line under Personally, stick or draw one or two pictures which illustrate how you feel when your personal values are all being met.
5. Below the line under At work, stick or draw a picture which illustrates how you feel when your work values are not met.
6. Below the line under Personally, stick or draw a picture which illustrates how you feel when your personal values are not met.
7. Think about the differences between your feelings when your values are not met at work, compared to how you feel when your personal values are not met.
8. Turn over the page. Draw a line down the middle of the page. Make a heading on the top left: Work and on the top right: Personal.
9. Under Work, list the feelings you have when your Work Values are not met. Put 1 feeling per line.
10. In the Personal column, write the feelings you have when your Personal values are not met. If these are similar to the work feelings, match them on the same lines eg Irritated would match Angry, Unhappy might match Unhappy. If they have no match, write them on lines of their own.
11. Take a different colour crayon. Draw a circle around the strongest feeling you have when your Personal values are not being met. Then draw a circle around the strongest feeling you have when your work values are not met.
12. Consider the words you circled. Write a sentence at the bottom of the page: When my values aren’t met I feel... The word you use may be one of the ones you circled, or it may be another word which more completely reflects your feelings when your values are not met.